For as long as we do not feel safe, our behavior is mainly driven by our instinct to survive. Our focus is on the outside world as it is in this world that danger lures. It is the healthy way by which we start our journey. We don’t question any potential or ambitions, as our focus is to be safe. The moment our basic needs are provided for, our experience of reality is usually “good.”
Psychology leaves no more doubts that besides food, clothing, and shelter, the basic needs of children also include touch and being able to play. These needs provide for the foundation to make it into a well-functioning individual.
Feeling secure is obviously our primordial need as a child, but our need for certainty is one of our general needs as a human being and carries on through life. As we grow up, we find this security in our external world in the form of a house, a job or our partner. It is only later that we get to experience that every security we have built outside of ourselves can easily be taken away.
As we move through the first triangle, we get disciplined and, in a way, restrict our potential. Choices and limitations are much needed to orient ourselves in an overwhelming world of possibilities.
Simplifying or selection, automation, and boundaries are mechanisms by which we handle the complexity of reality. It is part of our natural human behavior. These strategies allow us to feel safe.
Our focus is on the outside world and everything we see around ourselves growing up is part of our “ normal”.